Random Access Memories

So, for decades now i’ve almost no real-life friends. I just don’t fit the expectations of what people want me to be socially. This has had a massive impact on my mental and emotional health.

The response from people? “It’s your problem.”, “You have to love yourself before anyone can care about you.”, “Pay a therapist.”, “Take antidepressants”, “Hire a prostitute.”, Etc.

In other words, “I don’t care. It’s not my problem.”

And so it has been for decades. America is a wasteland as far as mental or emotional healthcare goes. I’ve had to deal with my own issues in a vacuum where pretty much nobody else gave a shit.

It doesn’t help that i’m a single white male, so there isn’t any “group” for me except the racists. I mean, there really is no other cohesive group for white males.

Then comes the pandemic and people are saying “Socially distance and wear masks. We all have to care about the group!” Wait, what? Hang on a second, why should *I* care about the group that has not cared about me and still doesn’t?

Even now during the pandemic we hear almost nothing about the mental and emotional toll of all this distancing. All we hear about is the physical consequences of the virus. Don’t get me wrong, those are bad, but don’t expect people to change their tune overnight when society has turned them into selfish curmudgeons.

So forgive me if my response now is, “I don’t care. It’s not my problem.”